My Own Personal Wipeouts

Yeah, that's right. You heard me. And yes, it's plural. I totally biffed it a few weeks ago, and then again just a couple weeks ago. HARD.

The first time, I was at a friend's house having cocktails, and I was about to go home. It was dark out, and I totally missed his back step and got owned by the driveway. My right knee had a monsterous bruise that lasted for almost a month, and it still hurts to kneel on it sometimes. Thankfully, my friend is not as mean-spirited as I am and didn't laugh at me. Although I'm pretty sure he was laughing on the inside. When I told my boyfriend about it, he told me I was lucky that he wasn't there... because he would've been laughing out loud. He would've helped me up and made sure I was okay, but he would've been laughing like a hyena the whole time. I know this. This is part of why I love him... he enjoys laughing at others' misfortune as much as I do.

The second time, I was at a hotel for a wedding reception. I'd had a bit too much to drink, and I totally biffed it. I even cracked a rib. I don't remember what I hit it on, and neither does my boyfriend. Of course I felt no pain at the time, but maaaaan did I feel it the next morning. And I'm still feeling it. I do remember wiping out, but don't remember if my boyfriend laughed while helping me up. I assume he did. I know I would've if he'd been the one to go down. At least we were alone in our room instead of on the dance floor in front of hundreds of people... that totally would've sucked.

When I started this blog, I promised to share all wipeouts with you, and you know that includes my own sa-weet biffs.

I sincerely hope the mental image of me going down hard and writhing in pain has brought you joy today.

Don't hate me

Okay, I generally avoid videos of kids biffing it for a couple reasons. First, kids fall all the frickin' time, so what else is new? Second, I feel genuinely bad for them when they wipe out. That's right, you heard me: I...... CARE. Don't you dare tell anyone, because I will deny it.

However, this video... this very special video... has a kid who gets up and doesn't even cry, and halfway through the music starts... I laughed my ass off.


Kid falls off swing, into HUGE puddle - Watch more free videos

Bowling for Spaniards

Hmmmm.... maybe if you're at el aeroporto in Madrid, and you know you have a cart full of crap weighing more than you do, you should avoid the escalator. But I'm so very glad this muchacha didn't.


Madrid Woman Falls Down Escalator - Watch more free videos

Dumbass vs ceiling fan

This guy so had this coming. And the Power Rangers theme music is the icing on the cake.


Owned by Ceiling Fan - Watch more free videos

Drunken Big Brother Biff

Totally classic.


Girl From Big Brother Croatia Eats It - Watch more free videos

Big Wrestling Fan vs. Folding Chair

Oh man... this is AWESOME. Stuff like this makes me so very, very happy.


Large Wrestling Fan Vs Fold Out Chair - Watch more free videos

My Own Personal Wipeout

So, I totally biffed it yesterday and my kids saw me and laughed hysterically. Yeah, I know. KARMA.

Here's the story: I was out on my deck in my new apartment, enjoying a smoke before dinner, and my kids were inside watching TV. By the way, the sliding glass door is kinda heavy and sticks a bit, so it can be hard to open. So I get up to go in, grab the door handle, and give it a mighty yank. My fingers totally slip, and I end up sprawled on my back on the chaise lounge.

I could hear the kids laughing, even through the thick glass. Oh, and my daughter's boyfriend was there too. And later that night, my son went out for a smoke and re-enacted my fall. Niiiiiiice. "You have learned well, Grasshopper..." A sick part of me was actually a little proud of their appreciation of the fine art of the biff, even though it was me they were laughing at.

How weird that I totally fell in the summer, while I managed to stay upright all winter long.